Who do you see?

I haven't blogged since August 2014. I've just read those 2 blogs. I've healed a lot since that period. If you need to know what I've healed from, you need to go read the blog.

January. 2015..(I feel like Sophia Petrillo just typing that) BTW. I love Sophia.

Anyway, back to my thought. A new year. A new horizon set with unlimited possibilities! Z decided to hit the ground running. Z is going to take on the world!  Z pushed herself past the part that was still in process of loss! Z has tried to move out and past the comfort zone. Sometimes victory, sometimes failure. Z still has mush for brains! I realize this as I'm trying to get my thoughts out for this blog. But it's all good, I'm not quitting.

May 2015. I won't go in to all the details of the first 5 months of the year. I want to state the assessment of today. I'm still tired. The effects of life just don't roll off your back, even as you press forward. Pressing is hard work. I'm having to re-mold my life, but still maintaining. Does that make sense?  Along the same lines of the re-molding statement, someone asked me last night in response to a message I sent them, "What do you see when you look in the mirror?" I did not give a very glowing report- my face. My verbatim response was, "I see a tired face with tears streaming down and wrinkles around the mouth that always looks like I'm mad."  Message back this morning from same said person, "OK, WHO do you see?" I have yet to answer back, because I wasn't exactly sure, til I started this blog. I started this blog with a totally different subject in mind. And I will blog that one tomorrow. 

OK, Sophia, here goes - WHO do I see? I see a woman, who has a heart for God, and strives to live accordingly to His will. I falter at times, but I will not quit. I see a woman who is in a remolding, and not a remolding to be someone else. But a remolding of Who I am.  I'm firm in my resolution to not destroy the core of who God created me to be. God gave me my personality. 

I'm reserved. (not as much as I used to be, just ask my friend Peggy.) I love my initial of my name "Z". I like that it's not ordinary.  I love humor. In 7th grade, when the class was assigned an essay on any subject of choice, mine was on The Marx Brothers. My favorite Stooge- Curly. :) I'm sarcastic. I like words. I'm not confrontational, until I get pushed. I'm smart. I'm analytical. I have common sense. I do not let just anybody in my inner sanctum. One must earn that right. I'm a giver, BUT..I have given so much to so many, that it's shocking when I'm on the receiving end, and you know what? It feels good. I'm not a forceful personality. I tip toe around others as not to cause extra strife and stress. (that part of me I'm trying to change, lol) I like quiet. I like peace. I like stability. When I don't have those 3 "likes" in my life, I suffer anxiety. The anxiety part of Z?  Z don't like it. 
 I try to see others point of view..until..until..it comes to God's doctrines. I will not change my mind on that. Deal with it. If it's being judgmental, then take it up with the Judge.  I'm not a johnny on the spot kind of person. I like preparation, in all areas known as Z.

There is more to Z. Layered. But that is the beginning reflection of me. So in answer to your question, Sophia? That is the beginning of Who I see. And I like that reflection.


To be continued...in more ways than one.